Monday, February 16, 2004

Good God! It's Bamboo!

I was watching that reality home improvement show on television the other day, Surprise by Design and I decided that I definitely WOULD NOT allow these people in my house. Of course you know the premise of the whole show: Someone calls in with a sob story, say, for instance, they had cancer and their grandma's sister was run over by an ice cream truck (you get the picture). If the story's good enough then these folks come into their house to work their majique! "Surprise! Your living room looks like Gilligan's Island!"

Though I'd like to send it a letter to the Surprise by Design people so they could re-do my home and it would sound something like this:

Dear Surprise by Design:

I wanted to fix our home for my husband because he stood by me while I was having my breast implant. You see I was born with one breast slightly smaller than the other one- yeah. So I needed to have my other one- how would you call it? Inflated? Well actually I had them both done bigger. Well one was slightly bigger than the other one. I figured "What the heck, I might as well have them both done." Well, now they're the same size. They're just- (pause) bigger. In any case he was a big support. I mean he was a big help. I would have never made it through it without him.

Sincerely Ima Hoagg


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