Thursday, February 26, 2004

I never finished my post on finding the perfect porno

from previous post...
I never detailed the mediocre and sometimes even horrifying aspects of the plot, actors and lack of arousal that ensued while watching Vivid Video's production of Rapunzel, but I thought why should I bore you with the libido nullifying details? At least I felt this way until last night.

We tried watching the video again last night figuring that we might as well get our thrity-something dollars worth, and discovered that we couldn't stop laughing or cringing as we skipped through the scenes. I had to stop and think to myself, are some people so easily aroused? I guess it doesn't take much. I even tried just focusing on 'body parts' and not faces, but I simply couldn't get past how terrible it was. I really couldn't get into it. In fact, I actually think I would enjoy watching Ron Jeremy (in all his glory today) than have to sit through another 30 seconds of this P.O.S. J. seemed even less into than I did. Eventually we had to turn it off to get turned on.

Here are some of the highlights/lowlights:

  • One of the actors had a strange resemblance to the OC's Peter Gallegher. I could not get past the eyebrows.

  • In the scene where Rapunzel is supposedly conceived, (her parents)the couple having sex is using a condom. Wise if you want to practice safe sex. Unwise if you're actually trying to fertilize an egg. At this point

  • In the extra features section there was a girl on girl scene with two 'actresses' sporting flowers affixed to their 'jubblies' as well as other strategically chosen areas of their bodies. The really disturbing part of this was they looked as if they raided the bargain floral bin at Michaels craft store to put the adornments together. I have a really difficult time getting turned on by two women who have large purple daisies stuck on their tits with some spirit gum.

Lesson Learned: Well, I guess this is what I get for purchasing something based solely on the cover, that and assuming that all pornos are basically the same. Next time, I'll do some research.

Now, I wonder what will show up on my gratuitous advertising header, now that I've mentioned PORNO, pornography in two different entries.


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