Monday, March 08, 2004

I just had to write a little note to myself today. Your life isn't all that bad. You just need to hang in there. Stay calm, dont' take things too personally. .

I didn't like the way my supervisor was talking to me to day. I've mentioned that she's... how should I say this nicely, because I honestly do like her as a person... she's a bit high maintenance. My roommate once told me that she was cleaning the messages from the phone and she noted :"There was a really high-strung lady calling you the other day. She left 6 messages on the phone in one day." This was the day of the big snowstorm I think. I do honestly think that she was concerned about me; however, A reminds me of one of those people (in corporate life) who has to have a handle on every single detail when there's a project running. I don't know if she's aware of this, but she makes me feel like a tool and a half when she asks me about this detail and that. I actually picture her as one of students in school who opted to do all of the work for the cooperative/group learning projects because she didn't trust the others to get it done the way she wanted it done.

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but she has this habit of popping into my cubicle unannounced and frequently. I do talk to her about this on occassion, but I think that it's really hard to change human behavior as a whole especially when the behavior is rooted to this aspect of her personality, the need for control. I think there are other aspects that are influencing the dynamic between us. Namely, my boredom with some of the administrative duties I've been slated with. When I took this job it was under the assumption that I would evolve out of the administrative role into something higher on the evolutionary scale on the corporate monkey tree. When the economy went sour, I suddenly found myself in an arrested state of development, seemingly stuck in a service-administrative/development role. Since they would not backfill the admin role and my 1/2 a coordinators role, I have spent the past 2 years having the role with two faces.

I think that it was a bad sign this morning in the staff meeting when I could only hear her when she was saying things to me like, "You did remember that didn't you?"

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