Thursday, March 25, 2004

Year of the Sheep (Ram) 2003

All this talk lately about sexual experimentation and ethical questions and issues around sexuality has brought back memories of last year. Julia's mention of seeing an ex-boyfriend in the gym with another Asian girl reminded me of one encounter in particular that I had with a guy who had a pronouced taste for Asian women, but I will get into the details about this later in another posting.

Last year I spent some time, per Auntie Mame's suggestion, just living... and having sex. I dated a good number of people many of whom I met on-line. Now, I won't go into this now, but in retrospect, if I were ever to be single again, I would probably try very hard to use another avenue for meeting people as there a two types of people who seem to populate the internet dating scene in large numbers: sharks and wolves. I hate to use such cliche metaphors, but I really can't think of a better way to describe them (and there's an even larger category of people whom I didn't find interesting enough to even bother with). Still, if you are interested in meeting a good many different people (whom you are attracted to) to have sex with... the internet is your place to be. (No, duh). Just remember to keep plenty of condoms on hand.

People often dread the idea of having to dive back into the dating scene, but I truly enjoyed myself most of the time. I met a good many men, many of whom were true characters (both in the inter-personal and cartoon sense). A few were amazing lovers and others... well, I won't dwell on those instances too much. I came to understand that you don't necessarily have to expect love and a relationship from each and every encounter; however, for my own piece of mind, I decided that when I was tired of the dating scene I would remove myself from it.

For those who are reluctant and afraid I wanted to debunk a few myths and about the dating freely concept. However, I still firmly stand by my credo: "You should do ONLY what you feel is right and comfortable."

1) It's too embarrassing to be rejected.
Once you get over the fear of rejection, your confidence gets a boost. You don't have to fake being non-plussed when someone doesn't return your calls or tells you that thinks aren't going to work out. Just walk away gracefully. The sooner you're able to get over the rejection, the sooner you will be able to get out there and meet someone new, possibly even better than the person who dissed you.

2) It's too hard to say no to others.
No it's not.

Don't feel bad if you didn't enjoy the date or experience. You can be upfront with people or you can just avoid having to call them. I didn't feel that it was right to just outwardly basically tell someone, "You know I don't think that this is going to work out, " unless, of course, I was prompted. Usually, people get the picture. Though it seemed to me that I had dated an awful lot of men who were leary about women calling them over and over again (in a Glenn Close sort of way). But then I thought, they either pick the same sort of freaks (present company excluded- as I am more of an independent sort of freak), or they pushed these women over some edge. I have this theory about that... that I will go into later.

3) I will look like a ho/slut/jerk/dick.
Well, that's actually an interesting combination. Here's my answer to that one: WHO CARES?

Note: You should be particularly cautious about STD's.

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