Monday, April 26, 2004

I have decided that there are three things that cause a person to go insane or go into some sort of mental crisis (don’t worry I’m working on this list and it will probably grow by the end of the year). I guess I'm just trying to work this all out here for my own benefit.

1.)Being born that way – (being predisposed to mental illness which of course is no laughing matter, I'm sure I have a few people in my own family who require some sort of chemical help up. People though who are aware of this fact should take the responsibility to medicate themselves). I did try taking perscription medication at the suggestion of my physician. These were the usual heavily marketed drugs, but I discovered that a.) they only muted my ability to feel or emote b.) they diminished my desire to have sex. I don't know about you but these are two things that I cannot live without the ability to feel and my libido. Instead of taking the chemical way, I opted for regular exercise, diet, sleep, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Though I know that I am fortunate because I probably fit in that category that only becomes mildly to moderately depressed.

2.)Being surrounded by people who tell you that you are not NORMAL I always felt very sorry for those women who were in their 20s-40s during that period circa 1947-1970. If I were a woman during this time I would probably take a lot of perscription drugs and become alcoholic too. I believe that the ideal woman as domestic saint and wiling servant - of this time was an by-product of the impetus towards progressive change in views of womens' roles. Usually before a movement or era dies, there are some kind of death throes that include the over-emphasis of certain values that are threatened (or perceived to be threatened). I think this is a natural reaction to change.

But don't you notice that they often poke at those people who clamor for change and try to put them down by, of course, saying that they are insane - fucked or out of whack?

Still, I believe that women of this time (or anyone regardless of their sex) would be ostracized if they did not fit in the normal mold of what a woman was supposed to be (mother, wife, house-frau, etc). Please don't assume that I'm saying that these are bad things. I am just very content and elated that I have other options in this day and age.
Sometimes I think that if I had lived during this time I would have preferred to live the life of the 'quiet librarian' in the small town. If I had lived earlier (and many people who think they know me would laugh incredulously at the thought... though I did just mention above that I could not live without ...shhh... s - e - x) I would have chosen life in a nunnery if I could... at least there would be a decent chance that I would get to read books.

3.)Being surrounded by people who put too many demands on your physical, mental, emotional well-being.
I don't want to talk to much about this here because I would only appear to be complaining (not that I do much of that any way... heh).

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