Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I'm super fucking lucky

Even though I find some hardships in my job... even though I struggle with my feelings of loneliness and frustration at work (who doesn't?), I'm still a pretty fortunate gal. I have a guy in my life who makes me feel beautiful and loved, and he's someone I can learn from constantly, incessantly. God, if he read this he'd probably turn red, but it's all good, Baby, and I mean it that way.

There are times when I start feeling a little paranoid... as if I could do something terrible to fuck everything up... but he pretty much accepts me for who I am - kooky, spacy, a little on the fried and eccentric side. And here's the big surprise... when we were first going out... I didn't suspect that this was all possible. I had been completely drained by the whole dog/pony world of dating (you know, the interview sessions over a beer at McMenamins), I really wasn't expecting to find such a person. And I just knew that I really enjoyed being with him and laughing.

I'm finding joy in other things outside of work. I'm buying a house (freaky!). I know a friend of mine spoke to me over the phone (he's been reading my blog) and he said "Are you sure you want to buy a house? This may mean that you're stuck there for a while longer?" (He knows how much I love working here). I've decided that this is a good opportunity for me and who know's I'm not so afraid anymore of CHANGE. If I find another job, if I don't work here anymore, I will still be me. I will still function as I usually do. Only I'll be experiencing things differently. I think my biggest problem lately was that I was afraid of change and loss of security... and unable to take risks.

In addition to all of these small revelations, I'm learning new stuff about myself all the time... such as, I shoudl really stop beating up on myself, because I'm really not that bad... good person, in fact.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home