Wednesday, April 21, 2004

I've come to the conclusion that working in this environment hasn't been to great for my self-esteem. Okay, I get paid fairly well and my job until recently has been very secure, but I haven't had the opportunity to stretch my skills and imagination as I'd like. About 60%-75% of my time or more is spent on adminstrative tasks. I usually have to sneak away time from home to do my learning and my project work. Not to mention, I've been feeling terribly bad and pressured that I can't do everything. Then there are moments where I feel my body and soul giving work the finger because I cannot be the perfect employee and clone and yet come up with innnovative solutions at the same time.

Maybe I'm just burnt out from working for this group.

It just as well that they will probably dissolve my group by the end of the year (if we don't get funding). Even then I'm going to begin looking for a

By the way I just received a note from the person whom I sent the inquiry/cover letter about the job, that they are already finishing the interview process. Maybe he simply wasn't impressed. To be honest, I'm absolutely terrible at writing this corporate speak and meaning it. I am pretty good at making fun of it.

As I was writing the cover letter, I kept thinking do I really want to stay here? Then an even tinier inner voice chimed in a irritating chorus, "Do you really have a choice? You've built up time and experience working here. This could provide you leverage to get a higher position" But then I think... Is this what I really want? I will get paid more, but they will only OWN more of my ass... I mean time.

I need to think more positively. I will have to if I want to survive.

I read somewhere that if you really want something (maybe it was in the Suze Orman book... haha)... you should wake up each morning and repeat what you want over and over to yourself in the mirror.

I want to get out of here...
I want to get out of here...
I want to get out of here...

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