Thursday, April 29, 2004

Lotteries and fodder for fantasy

My father buys a Powerball ticket (or more) twice a week. He's been playing the lottery in some form since I was very little. Each time you ask him about it, his face lights up and he immediately begins to describe what he will do when he gets this money. I think that these little fantasies are harmless as long as you don't become so deluded to rely on the fantasy of winning as if it will become a reality one day. Now, if people could feel the impossibility of winning the lottery in a tangible sense (say in the form of a sharp pinch on the buttocks every time they considered the possibility), no one would ever play... unless they had a fetish for being pinched on the buttocks.

I should not criticize participation in this sort of fantasy-play, because I do buy a ticket every now and then subsequently I do a little play-acting myself... that customary masturbation with possibilities- I would quit my job, start my own business, I would be free.

Two conditions usually prevail in my life during those weeks that I play the lottery: 1.)My job is extra shitty 2.) the pot is worth a considerable amount.

Playing the lottery is a lot like praying in askance. Something happens to you when you're thinking about how things could be - your outlook starts to lighten up, a smile might fit the corners of your face, your heart might pick up a few beats. But when the reality hits you and you discover that not one of your numbers even made the line-up then you fall down from the high. Continuing to play the lottery week after week seems like having faith that you will visit another solar system in your lifetime. You know it exists, but damned if you'll ever see one?


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