Monday, May 03, 2004

Hmmmm... I've been reading my blog and it seems to me that I'm just rehashing the same ideas over and over again. The theme of this blog obviously is I do not like my job... how unoriginal. Over the past few months. I've been dwelling on the idea that I cannot stay in the job, with all the lack it offers: lack of stimulation, lack of joy, lack of time, lack of social content with others I can relate to. I am not developing or learning any of the skills I want in this job. I'm not growing. I've run through many scenarios in my head of how I could cope with working here in the long term... and unless I've found a position where there's more opportunity to use my other talents, I would be holding myself back even longer. I would be driving myself further down into insanity. I've often thought that there's a fine line between simply living for work you don't like or enjoy and living in a sort of purgatory. Then there are moments where I feel, why can't you just take it like everyone else...

When I am faced with the prospect of continuing here, I become depressed. I have been trying to trick myself lately... into thinking that there are still many possibilities out there. More, I've been trying to convince myself that I can face the challenges of these possibilities. So many people around me are terribly skeptical of any further job possibilities in any industry. They worry for me.

But I cannot help but think that if I don't make a plan and make a break for it now, I will not have any more opportunities further down the line.


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