Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Skills: Operated Pitney Bones machine

Jeezus... could not stop laughing at this... I think I pulled a muscle, just trying not to make too much noise in my cube... my god, that made me feel so much better:

http://rinkworks.com/said/resume.shtml

Here are some of my favorites... (things people have written in resumes)

• "I worked as a Corporate Lesion."
• "Served as assistant sore manager."
• "Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."
• "I can play well with others."
• "Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings."
• "My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."
• "Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."
• "I am the king of accounts payable reconciliation."
• "Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."
• "I like slipping and sliding around behind the counter and controlling the temperature of the food."
• "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
• "My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend."
• "Special Skills: Speak English."
• "Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."
• "Fortunately because of stress, worked in the cardiac intensive-care ward."
• "Typing Speed: 756 wpm."
• "Objectives: 10-year goal: Total obliteration of sales and federal income taxes and tax laws."
• "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business."
• "Frequent Lecturer: Largest Audience: 1,351. Standing Ovations: 5. Number of Audience Questions: 30."
• "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."
• "Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law."


For real... if you want some sane advice in how to write a good cover letter check out this link... which had some really good advice :http://www.accepted.com/resume/coverletterclues.aspx

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