Monday, June 21, 2004

Read something from more than a year ago

I think it's good to see how one's life has progressed even after a bad, bad break-up or any sort of trying life event. I have to remember the last statement in this paragraph below. It's the sort of self-affirmation I need (jeezus, I sound like some bad counseling book). This exerpt is from a piece of cathartic writing dated about one year and 4 months ago. I wrote a resume of all the relationships I had been in. No jokes about mileage, please:

Sam: Tall and Nordic. Once a member of the Marines special forces & Former Nike Analyst-Manager/ once future executive. Now he sits at home playing “Age of Empires” and brewing beer with his last remaining friend. Myers Briggs: he is a Complete ISTJ, and could rationalize his way out of a Turkish prison if he had to. I'm not sure why he did not take the job offered to him by the CIA. He was a big fan of Ayn Rand, Nietszche, Camus, and Sartre. Armed with his looks, some charm & a searingly dry wit, he was very, very good with words- formidable. He is the reason why I don’t think I will allow myself to be attracted to someone solely because of their intelligence (combined with their physical attractiveness). He had a difficult time comprehending things of the heart or empathizing with them. He was very confident, and seemingly sure of himself, but I really think that on some levels he is afraid of who he is or doesn't really know who he is or even like who he is. And I will admit, that for the time that I knew about the ‘infidelity,’ I probably did not like myself because I stayed in a relationship with him. I will never subject myself to this again. I feel terrible that I allowed myself to be stay in a situation where the pain and frustration outweighed the joy. Yet, I admit that I really did love him. Fear is a terrible thing. Love and Fear combined can wreak havoc on a person. I will never again allow the latter to rule over me again this way.

Imparare da ieri,
vivere per oggi,
la speranza per domani.

Learn from yesterday/ Live for today/ Hope for tomorrow.


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