Wednesday, June 02, 2004

A slave to the despot... the HOME DESPOT

I have had to go to H-depoe (Home lately to pick up supplies as we are re-finishing the floors in our new home (yes, that means ripping out stinky boogery carpet, removing or pounding down nails and staples, sanding ... which j, like a saint did most of... mainly because I believe we tacitly agreed that I would most likely hurt myself or the house if I continued to work any of the machinery, and finally staining and varnishing).

I've decided that the DEPOE is a great place for studying the degeneration of American homonid society.

Don't go to the DEPOE on Saturdays, Sundays or National Holidays...not EARLY in the morning, not at all. The best time to shop is between 8-10PM (closing time) on the week-days.
You cannot find a place in this store where you are NOT in someone's way.

Excuse me
pardon me
you're in my way
do you mind... I can't navigate my cart around YOUR BIG ASS.

They only way you can hope to get your questions answered is if you happen to ask some fresh-faced 18 year old who just started working that day.

On top of this you have a countless people who are under the stress of having to fix something in their home... the same pushy people who nearly run over you in the parking lot with their mini-van because their passle of screaming children is making them wish that they were still single and living in a loft apartment downtown.

I have always wanted to be there to see Amish people shopping at Home Depot... I can just imagine what the Despot is like in New York City. People beating each other in the aisles out of frustration with wooden dowels. Do you ever wonder what it would sound like if some mafia crew member was shopping at the Depot?

Uh, yeah, um... can you tell me where I can get a couple of bags of lime and a shovel.

How much uh concrete do you think I will need?


Say, ah I was wondering if you could answer my hypothetical-type question... You, see I have a little problem with this dead animal smell... it's not in my house. And I just can't seem to get to it. How easy do you think it would be to, uh break down the wall to get to it? What kind of wall are we talking about here...

Not, that they would ever be that stupid.


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