Tuesday, September 07, 2004

I could say that I’m embarrassed to admit this…

I could say that I’m embarrassed to admit this… but what would be the point? I sat and watched about 4 hours straight of E True Hollywood Story on the E Channel. To be honest I spent a great deal of my time watching the E Channel this past weekend. I just could not stop! I had to learn more about the Olsen twin’s time spent in the eating disorder camp. I have to wonder… they actually looked the same, weight-wise… wouldn’t one look skinnier than the other. Maybe the afflicted twin spent her time shoving her face with boxes and boxes of Little Debbies treats (then subsequently relieving herself from them Roman style). Maybe they’re lying to us about what exactly she was being treated for. I can’t peel my eyes from the tube as Dr 90210 begins. A fifty year-old porn star who comes in for an alternative to her yearly collagen injections has the opportunity to share her humble pad complete with gargoyles and victorian lamps. She opens her refrigerator and notes proudly that she does not stock anything but liquid items. I note that her inventory includes along with the various waters, fruit juices and sodas, a number of alcholic beverages as well. Maybe if you ate a sandwich every now and then, your lips wouldn’t look like a pair of roosting bats.

Thanks to television everyone any anyone can rise to celebrity freak status.

I sat through the entire 2 hour Laci Peterson story… watching 2 hours of unadulterated Media Porn to masturbate my morbid curiousity and sate my hunger for a good old fashioned American Freak Show set in the heartland of middle (suburban) America (where it belongs). I sat through the show with the same sort of guilty relish that I feel when I sit in the doctors office and read the entire People magazine front to back.

This past summer I watched the media coverage of the Brooke Wilberger disappearance and realized that they would never air the complete story with such heartstring tugging appeals if it was about some chick named Antigone who had two mothers or a girl named Aisha whose mother was a former crack addict. Why this all just wouldn’t be that interesting if it didn’t happen to someone who had a seemingly perfect life. That’s why we watch these things, because we hope to seem some blemishes because we can’t actually bring ourselves to believe that these people are normal. I watch with the same lurid fascination until the news cuts to the coverage of Brooke’s would be room mates at BYU university. “We just keep this teddy bear in memory of her and hug it whenever we miss her.” At this point I have to shut the television off.

I am additcted and I cannot stop watching.

I sat through 15 minutes of Last Comic Standing before I decided that 95% of what was being said was not funny. I think I laughed at the Vietnamese guy’s jokes… mainly because the audience booed at him from making the Swift Boat crack.

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