Monday, January 03, 2005

Bragsheet 2005 - Rev. 0

I am writing that little review sheet for myself. I always feel depressed when I have to do this. Not because I haven't accomplished anything significant, but because I simply don't feel that I've accomplished anything for myself. Each day I go to work, I feel alienated from what I have to complete. The worth of almost everything I do is based on how much money I saved or how much time was spared. Often I cannot complete projects and work with the quality that I would like to apply. I simply don't have enough time. Then there's that notion that I am not worth much to this company because I amd expendable, and in their view (not mine), I am replacable by someone on the other side of the world.

I don't really feel like I'm contributing anything worthwhile. I watch the corporation make one bad decision after another. I watch the direction of many groups here go to folks who play it safe.

Here's my cathartic response to having to write out my bragsheet:

Things I did well:
1.)I did not loose my cool on numerous occassions when I was asked to do something which seemed inherently ill-advised. I questioned where necessary. I made suggestions.

2.)I discovered that Dilbert is indeed the novacaine lollipop for the disgruntled cubicle masses. Don't even bother crunching to the center, because you won't find anything there.

3.)I started a 'subversive'* discussion group.

4.)I came to the realization that the 7 Habits are for the most part a way to indoctrinate new employees into the corporate culture. I believe that pushing these Habits excessively leads to denial of the self in relation to reality.

5.)I know that I am NOT a robot.

Things I would like to work on:
1.) Asking for help when I need it.

2.)Being able to step back and look at the path I've chosen critically before I decide to plug on.
3.) Determining what I'm good at and what I enjoy and how to parlay that into a trade or business for myself... or at least a position in an organization in a 'galaxy, far far away' from this god forsaken corporation and Getting the F--- out of here.

*If thinking critically can be considered subversive.

Addendum 1/7
What's wrong with me? Why do I hate doing this so much? Why can't I just get through with it. I've been considering walking down the street to buy a pint of Makers Mark to get me through writing about this. Being under the influence of a controlled substance often renders prostitution of oneself easier. If only I could extend my ability to pretend a little longer. I wonder everyday if my true lack of enthusiasm for what I do will be discovered. I feel like such a lying schmuck. Laughing in a meeting at a joke, usually based on some canned corporate version of humor.


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