Thursday, February 10, 2005

I'm at home sick again today. I'm starting to wonder if my illness is being caused by my state of mind. I'd like to swig some Victory Gin, but my body tells me flatly - NO. So I listen to my body. Every Monday morning like clockwork, I come into consciousness about a half hour before the alarm clock is set to go off. I awake with this low feeling in my bowels, a sentiment sparked by fear of anticipation not unlike that felt by a small child or puppy who knows they're about to be smacked for something they did wrong. No, I'm really sick today... swollen glands, sore muscles.

I'm sick but I'm still going to work... from home. I'd rather be here writing.

I spoke to my mother a few weeks ago, and she noted that an classmate of mine from Chicago (daughter of one of her best friends from medical school) switched from a government reseach job to private sector and working for a drug company. She works 12 hour days now, nearly seven days a week. She's tired, burnout and frustrated and not even 34. Her mother asked mine, "Is this the 'progress and prosperity' our children have to look forward to?" She doesn't have children and neither do I, Is that a coincidence? I'm not the kind of girl that fancies herself a mother, but I know that I would never have children under these conditions... it would kill me or drive me completely insane... not to mention be detrimental to the child.

The right doesn't need a Junior Anti-Sex League to get their job done... just allow corporations to work people to the bone, they won't have any time to have kids, let alone sex. Women who want to have children will most likely have to drop out of the workforce under these conditions... and what about the men? Working long hours does not for good family cohesion make. I don't care how many stupid Steven Covey books about building your family that you read. You're only convincing yourself that you have freedom, when you actually don't.

I look at nostaligic ads from the 50's that depict people in sprawling cadillacs, men in golf cardigans poised to swing their clubs and the rapture on their faces that only comes from idle prosperity... I think these jackasses knew what it was like to go home at 5:00PM regular... I see women in shiny kitchens in tropico colors with brightly lit smiles and perfectly pleated skirts (of course the stuff they made - especially when it was from General Mills & Jello products wasn't exactly Gore-met). I suppose all of this is just an illusion of what the paradise of leisure and home could be like back then. This was an era where denial was a big part of one's way of life. But still I get pissed off because I feel that as a generation we've been cheated from most of this unless we've made it into the ranks of those who make over $250 grand a year... and even then, I think of the awful price in time and one's life it takes to make this amount of money.

Calm, calm... this isn't a good way to start the day. I will think good thoughts... better thoughts.

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