Saturday, September 03, 2005

Hi, Torren, thanks for checking in. I've been swamped with some projects they have me on at work. But I still search on. My job search hit a lull when I realized that I'd hit the denoument in the yearly hiring cycle. However, sometimes it turns out that companies or departments right about now realize that a.) they have extra money to hire b.) they bit off more than they can chew in terms of projects, and as a result their hiring right now. Right now I have a couple of leads working with smaller companies located downtown. I'd love a job down there because it would mean that I don't have to drive. I could take the MAX into work or even cycle to work. If I get called back on a one or two of these, I just need to decide which one is the 'safer' (more stable choice) as well as which is the 'better fit' for me. Suppose it's like (and I hate to use this old cliche) picking the better horse.

About not writing here...

The writing was happening, just not here.

I think I've been going through a fairly dark patch lately. I decided that I wasn't pushing anything out that wasn't being influenced by my morbid moods, so I stopped. I also felt as if the demands and restrictions of my job and the environment that I was working with were driving me to become a little caustic. I was and still am having a hard time dealing with the sort of denial that is rife in corporate living. I laugh because I've always thought that denial leads people to drink... and that denial requires a sort of fortitude to hold it up like awkward buttresses. Some people here at my work must have enough to hold up the fucking Notre Dame Cathedral. In any case the bitterness was giving fruit to something that I needed to express, but I felt better working it all out in my notebooks.

It was strange really, writing on paper again. Imagine that.

I know this will also sound silly, but I suddenly became aware of my exhibitionism after almost a year and a half of being in the blog world. To touch on a biblical metaphor, maybe biting the bitter apple made me all too aware of my 'nakedness.'

There is another reason too why I have not posted any recipes or other items other than the babbling on my sewing blog... I think that although the concepts in the article below apply to business blogs, they also apply to blogger and the personal blog world.


Thank you for the suggestion of the author you mentioned. I will definitely look into finding this book. I have to remember and I do that the core values espoused by Christianity are ideals or standards which are worth aspiring to. I was watching that Comedian Emo Phillips the other day and he pretty much summed up how I came to see Catholicism by the time I was eleven years old:

When I was a boy I prayed and prayed to get a bicycle. Then I realized that that wasn't how the Lord worked, so I stole one and asked for his forgiveness later.

I am not a practicing Christian or Catholic anymore, but often times I take issue more with how the values in the form of doctrine are enforced or followed by Christian organizations and some of their followers (namely the Fundamentalists). Fundamentalism in any religion is the deathknoll of that religion because at this point you must assume the absolute and unquestioning belief of and compliance to all doctrine (of all those who follow). Moreover, it creates the assumption that the world of human beings is divided into two groups... those who believe and those who do not. Then by nature of politics and the survival of memes... the religious organization's goal is to encompass or convert as many people as possible. Human nature is far too complex and resilient to expect all people to believe unquestioningly... or at least that's how I see it. Besides you need that element that questions otherwise there is no true progress of ideas (an consequently science) and the world becomes static... but then that's what Conservatism is all about... keeping things the way they were.

I've come to believe lately that believing 'fundamentally' restricts one's own ability to see the truth (though the concept of truth itself is highly objective). People I've worked with often view me an Asian Wednesday Addams... My humor either irritates or befuddles their sensibilities. They must think of me as one of those esoteric existentialists whose dark perception prevents me from seeing the world as they see it from their optimistic' camera obscura. I am the person who asks too many questions, looks at things far too critically. I want to pull things apart then put them back together, I want to look at more than just two scenarios of use when it comes to conceptualizing and planning design mainly because I'm eternally fascinated with how humans interact with tools. Just get the product out and rolling they tell me we need to follow our work objectives and org. goals. I want to make something that was worth my time, I answer back. And the overall atmosphere of denial allows them to believe that they can create products with little or poorly trained resources, or that they can expect their folks to work 70 to 80 hours weeks.


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